Dark Dreams
by Peanutbutter1
Summary: Buffy can't sleep. Every night it's the same all consuming fear and the same never relenting dreams. One particular night she can't take any more and leaves the house searching for a release or perhaps some way to make the fear go away. Who she runs in


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Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Spike or any of those characters. Bummer….

_K this is my very first Buffy fic. I usually don't write stuff like this but I just love the B/S pairing. I'm a sucker for love that really should be but is so right. 

Dark Dreams

A light, so bright I seemed it would burn your eyes shone over her head, but it didn't burn. It was warm and inviting. It held peace within its lofty depths; a tranquility that she had never deemed possible. Was it possible that she was in heaven? The warm feeling of complete peace washed over her again and she shut her eyes veiling in the light and trying to loose herself in the all consuming contentment. Then she felt it like a tugging and she couldn't open her eyes. She wanted to scream though something was leaving her. There had been a mistake it felt as if her soul was being ripped from her body. She screamed. 

Buffy opened her eyes to the see the light was gone and only darkness surrounded her. She couldn't see anything in the darkness. There was nothing, but she could feel something crawling on her face. Frantically she brushed it away with her fingers fighting the urge to panic that was building in her throat. What was going on? As she brought her hand up to sweep that something away her knuckles collided with the top of something. Was she trapped? She couldn't be. She lifted her foot slamming it smartly upward and felt the stinging pain of her foot hitting something solid. She was trapped. Panic rose in her throat as she banged her fists on the solid object trying desperately to push it upward. Her breath was becoming short and in the darkness she felt the things crawling over her skin. Where was she what was going on? With a finally burst of energy and a terrified scream her fist busted through the wood and it splintered around her fists. She could feel the wood sticking into her skin tearing it mercilessly, but she wasn't free yet. There was dirt falling from the broken hole and into her mouth. She was drowning in it. She couldn't catch her breath. Buffy threw her hands upward trying to push the dirt back but it was too much and it came crashing down on her. 

Buffy screamed her voice ringing in her own ears before she realized that it had been a dream. Her eyes flew open and she looked frantically from side to side trying to figure out what had happened. When the realities of her dream disappeared she sat up reluctantly still feeling bugs crawling against her skin and the dirt clogging her throat. Before she even realized it was happening the tears began falling down her cheeks. Sniffling softly she glanced at her fist, the scratches were still here. They hadn't healed yet. Absently she rubbed her knuckles and tried to push her tears back without success. Would she ever be able to sleep again? Would her eyes ever shut without her dig from the grave haunting her? Surprisingly no one had heard this time. Usually Dawn, or occasionally Willow and Tara would come and check on her, but tonight there was nothing and oddly she felt horribly alone. 

Pulling at the sweaty T-shirt still clinging to her body Buffy pulled the rumpled and twisted sheets from around her long legs and rose to her feet. She didn't want to be inside right now. Always after her dreams everything seemed too small. She almost felt like the walls were closing in on her. Absently she grabbed the jeans she'd pulled off earlier and slipped them on and over her slim hips. Grabbing her jacket from the chair in the corner Buffy pulled it on and left her room. She needed to walk. Anything to get her out of the confinement. Anything to make the claustrophobia go away.

When she stepped outside the darkness enveloped her reminding her of the darkness of the box when she's awoken, but at least now she could see. Besides it was better than the daytime. Then she was reminded of the warmth and peace giving lights of her heaven, or wherever she had been. In the daytime it was the worse at least at night she could forget about what she had lost, but either way it seemed a torture. Her friends would never understand why she refused to look at them happily, refused to carry on as if nothing had happened. She couldn't bring herself to feel the same fire that had once burned in a white-hot flame. There was no passion, no zeal for the fight, in fact there was nothing. She still might as well be dead. 

'Dead.' The word echoed in her mind and her thoughts fell on Spike. Perhaps she did feel. There was him. His deep icy blue eyes that seemed to dig into her hidden soul and pull something out of it. Even if it were sarcasm it was an emotion. When he got under her skin he pulled out her passion and fueled the emotions she didn't think existed anymore. Despite her willful ignorance of his feelings she knew that there was something she could give back. That was if she could bring herself to face it. The possibility that she would feel and that alone would kill her in the end. One day she was sure things would change and he would leave taking his nicknames and sarcastic comments with him. And sadly enough she knew she would miss the snippy retorts from his British lips. She was afraid she would even miss his bleached blond curls or perhaps that stupid leather duster he wore religiously, or even the way he smelled. He smelled like tobacco and alcohol…but under that there was something else a smell that was just him. It almost seemed as if it were left over from when he was living, like a lingering of a life left behind. That scent alone drove her over the edge. What would she do when he was no longer there to make her feel? She didn't know she'd be able to survive. 

As if somehow her thoughts had driven her there she found herself in the cemetery. She stopped for a moment her hands finding their way to the pockets of her leather jacket. She gazed out of the emptiness the consumed to field of green and gray. Her mother was among the people buried here, and she had been. Another tears slipped from her eye and ran down her cheek before a gust of wind picked it up from her chin and sent it floating away in the wind. Her hair fell over her face but she didn't move. She was sinking again. 

"What are you doing out this way luv. I would say it's bloody well past your bedtime slayer. Thought you might find a good brawl this late at night." An all too familiar voice reached her from over her shoulder, but she didn't move. "Not very attentive. You're just lucky I don't fancy you dead." He scoffed lightly. 

"Hey Spike." Buffy said lightly not really feeling up to a verbal brawl with the sarcastic vamp at the moment. "How'd you know I was here?" 

"Could smell ya pet." He leaned over her shoulder tickling her neck with his hair. "Just knew you were looking for a romp." He whispered huskily. 

Buffy couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. He always managed to do it no matter what it was. Buffy laughed lightly and swatted him away with her hand. "Say one more word Spikey and you'll be across the graveyard." Buffy quipped and turned to face him. She noticed the way that lazy smirk appeared on his lips and he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and put it in his mouth. 

"Whatever you say luv." Spike said as he light it. "So what keeps you up at this hour?" 

"Just…" Buffy trailed off as the dream came back to her almost making her knees buckle with the intensity. 

"Dreams." Spike finished and his free hand reached out pulling her chin upward to look at him before dropping it to his side again. "I'm sorry Buffy. If I'd known…" He trailed off and took a long drag on his cigarette. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked sincerely. 

Buffy thought about it for a moment 'no' almost escaping her mouth. She'd never told anyone. They couldn't know they didn't even know that she hadn't been in a hell dimension, but Spike knew. He was the only one that knew. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell him what made her cry out at night and what had brought her here. She nodded. "Yeah." 

Spike seemed to start with mild surprise, but he didn't say anything to reveal his surprise. "You want to talk hear or somewhere else?" He asked lightly as he gazed at her troubled face something sweeping over him. He hated to see her in pain. He hated that he couldn't stop it. 

"Let's go to your place." She said half-heartedly. "Standing here kind of gives me the willies." She mumbled and wrapped her arms around her shoulders as if a chill had suddenly set in. 

"Whatever you say p..Buffy." He stumbled out as he fell into step behind her. 

Buffy smiled for some reason her name from his mouth sent a chill through her body. Why was it that he could make her feel? She didn't know why she felt so safe in his crypt when it was still in the graveyard. There was something about the place that was inviting. Something dwelled in it that she couldn't ignore. There was a safety that surrounded it and she wanted desperately to be wrapped in it. It didn't take long for them to reach it and before she knew it he'd shut the door behind her and they were alone in his darkened crypt. The echo of the door shutting rang in her ears for a moment and she didn't know if she could move. 

"Sit wherever you want." Spike said slowly as he moved to the stone slab near the back of the room. 

Buffy nodded and followed Spike and sat with him on the slab. She pulled her feet up with her and wrapped her hands around her knees for comfort. Where was she supposed to start? Sighing deeply she rocked back for a moment plunged into her dream. "Every time I dream I'm back there Spike. I feel the warmth and light. I feel the peace." A soft smile plays across her lips as she speaks. "I feel complete, whole and I want to stay there forever." The smile leaves and her face contorts as something dark runs through her bright eyes. 

Spike watches his face drawing up in concern. He just wanted to gather her in his arms and hold her until she didn't feel the pain anymore, but he knew that she didn't love him. He would only push her further away. Sighing he contented himself with watching her instead. 

"Then there is a pain as I'm ripped from the light." She can feel the tears in the back of her throat, but she doesn't want to cry in front of Spike. She doesn't want to show him that she has a weakness. "When I open my eyes I feel things crawling over my skin, their legs tickling the small hairs on my face. I reach my hand up to brush them away, but my fist hits the ceiling. I'm in the coffin and it's so dark. I can't get out and when I finally punch through the wood the dirt falls in on me. I can't breath through it and it just keeps coming. It fills my mouth and finally I scream." Buffy felt herself starting to rock as she recited the dream. The pain was still there each time she thought about it. "I can't ever get out and I always drown." She swallowed heavily and didn't look up because the cursed tears were falling and there was nothing she could do to push them back. 

She was crying in need of a comfort he didn't believe he could give, but he would try. Hesitantly, Spike reached a hand out to her and placed it on her shaking shoulder. To his surprise she didn't pull from his cold touch or cringe with the contact. She just continued to cry. Spike gulped and squeezed her shoulder lightly. "I'll be all right Buffy. The dreams will go away." He soothed not quite used to the way his voice softened. To his surprise Buffy looked at him her lips still quivering and her eyes full of so much sorrow. Before he could thing about it Buffy uncurled her body and Spike removed his hand from her shoulder and looked away from her. He probably shouldn't have touched her. He sighed trying to think of some way to make it better when he felt her warmth unusually close to him. Spike turned to see her right beside him her face still stricken and tear paths making their way down her face. Reluctantly he reached his hand up and cupped her cheek slowly and brushed the tears away with his thumbs. That seemed to break her. Shocked her felt her fall forward her face on his shoulder and her arms wrapping around him tightly pulling him to her and crying without abandon. 

Her tears were soaking him, but he didn't care. His heart, not the on that no longer beat, but his love soared with her contact. She was trusting him needing him. "It'll be all right luv." He whispered as he finally wrapped his arms around her pulling her close to him. "You'll see the dreams will go away."

"I just want this to stop." She sobbed slowly and pulled him tighter. "I don't want to be lost. I want to feel something besides anger and sorrow. I want the fear to go away." 

Spike pulled her closer his hand running up and down her back. "I'll my best to make it go away Buffy. I promise." He stroked her hair lightly with his other hand and held her until her tear stopped and the very beginnings of daylight were only a few hours away. When she finally pulled out of his embrace embarrassment stealing over her face she knew it was already time for Spike to be sleeping. 

"Thank you." She whispered awkwardly. And avoided the look at she'd seen in his eyes before. She wasn't ready to see that. She didn't want to. 

"Anything for you luv. Do you feel better?" He still had a hand on her shoulder and was rubbing it affectionately. 

Buffy smiled slowly. "Yeah. I do." And strangely enough she did. "I've got to go." She pulled away from him slowly and began to leave. When she was almost to the door Spike stopped her. 

"Wait. Take this." He said slowly and shrugged his duster off and handed it to her. "It's cold and you can give it back to me later all right." 

Buffy accepted it from his hand and smiled inwardly at the expression on his face. Pulling it on over her light jacket she couldn't help but recognize his sent all over it. "Goodbye Spike." She whispered and headed back into the waning night, for once feeling as if maybe the hurt and fear would go away and one day she would be normal again. 

The daylight was almost reaching the sky when Buffy finally made it home Spike's duster still on her arms and filling her with a warmth she didn't think possible. Just as the sun rose she fell onto her bed completely exhausted and closed her eyes. Within minutes a much needed sleep fell over her and wrapped in Spikes comforting, familiar scent she began to dream.

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The light was there as always all consuming and giving. The peace washed over her and held her in it comforting hug. She could feel it all around her, but she knew this time that it wouldn't last. She was only in the warming light's presence for a few comforting seconds before the pain radiated through her body and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again everything was dark and she could feel them crawling across her skin trying to eat her once rotting flesh. She knew that she had to bust her way out and knocked her knuckles against the wood in desperation trying somehow to push her way out. The panic ran over her when her fist finally busted through the wood and she tried again to stop the dirt from falling. It was hopeless though and it began to pour over her silencing her screams and stealing her breath. 

Her fingers reached up ward through the soft falling dirt trying desperately to reach her way out, when her fingers touched something. Frantically she reached for it straining against the falling dirt and hardened oak surrounding her. Then she touched it. They were fingers. Someone was pulling her out. Desperately she latched onto the hand and held on for dear life. Then she was moving the dirt parting on her way out. Before she knew it she was free the dirt wasn't in her mouth. She could breath. Shaking she looked up to see two piercing blue eyes staring down at her. 

"Are you all right Buffy. I heard you scream and I ran to get you." Spike whispered his face right against her drowning her in him. "I told you I would take care of you." He said slowly and pulled her too her feet. 

Buffy brushed her dirt-soiled hair out of her eyes and refused to let go of Spike's hand. He had pulled her out of the blackness. He had saved her. "Spike…" She started but trailed off when he smirked at her. His free hand moved to her face brushing her cheek with his finger and the other still holding her hand pulled her against him. 

"I love you Buffy." He whispered against her mouth before leaning down and capturing her lips with his. "I'll always save you." He whispered somewhere within in the kiss.

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Buffy sighed a sated smile coming across her sleeping face. She snuggled into Spikes jacket and for the first time since she'd been back she had sweet dreams instead of nightmares. 

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So what do you think? Likes? Hates?…should I even try to write more B/S fics? Tell me so I know what to do. 


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